The Quiet Hold · Thum Berfont · Relational Psychotherapy, Singapore

Thum Berfont · Founder & Psychotherapist

About

A quieter way of working, built around relationship.

I'm Berfont, a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Singapore. I founded The Quiet Hold for relational psychodynamic work: an unhurried, depth-oriented practice focused on the patterns underneath what you are bringing: how you learned to relate, to protect yourself, to be acceptable, whether your needs could be expressed.

The work tends to unfold through the relationship itself. Through being met, again and again, until you begin to meet yourself with the same steadiness. It is more conversation than technique, more curiosity than correction.

This is a different kind of work from short-term, symptom-focused therapy. Both have their place. This practice is the longer conversation underneath, for people who sense that what they are carrying has a longer story behind it.

What I've found, in my own life and in the work, is that symptoms can be managed and stabilised with techniques. But only when held in a safe relationship can we slow down and come back to look at what we have quietly tolerated, and perhaps even accepted.

This is what the work keeps returning to: the quiet rules we follow without noticing, and what allows a person to feel worthy, or safe, or able to rest. Much of what therapy offers, in my view, is a steady place to return to: a relationship reliable enough that we can begin to look honestly at what we usually move past too quickly.

The character 仁 (rén), made up of the symbols for person and two, names something close to the heart of this work: humaneness as something that takes shape between people, not held alone.

Background

Thum Berfont · SAC-registered Counsellor · Clinical Member, Singapore Association for Counselling
In the mental health field since 2016 · in clinical practice since 2018
Over 6,000 clinical hours across private, organisational, and community settings
Primary modality: Contemporary Relational Psychodynamic
Supplementary techniques: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Transactional Analysis, and Emotion-Focused Therapy
Committed to the ongoing practices of clinical supervision and personal psychotherapy
Works in English

A contemporary relational psychodynamic approach.

Less a method applied to you, more a conversation that unfolds between us.

Insight tends to surface between us rather than being prescribed, and what changes a person is less the explanation than the experience. Sessions are mostly open, exploratory conversations, following what arises rather than a fixed agenda. Over time, the conversations start to gather: a sense of pattern, of what is being lived out, of where the longer story is leading.

Building a secure base

A secure base is the steady relationship that lets us venture out, knowing there is somewhere reliable to return to. We first learn it from the people who raised us, or we do not.

Therapy can offer something similar later in life. Over time, the relationship itself becomes a place reliable enough that we can begin to experience ourselves more honestly: our thoughts, our emotions, the parts of us that have been carrying weight quietly. What begins as something we feel from the therapist eventually becomes something we can offer ourselves.

What we tend to get curious about.

Some of the most useful material is the relationship between us, and around us. How you experience me in session, and whether that echoes the way you relate to others. We can be curious about it as it happens, live between us, rather than only in the retelling. And because it is a real relationship, it can also be one where we work through the inevitable ruptures and repair, rather than avoid them.

How we were seen and attended to by the people who raised us quietly shapes how we expect closeness to feel. We get curious about those first relationships and how they shape the way we see others, even now. Whether people feel safe enough to be close to, whether closeness feels safer at some distance, or whether we came to believe that relationships only hold when something is earned.

Symptoms and defences are often a way of understanding the experiences we have had. They once helped us make sense of the world we were living in, and protected us within it. Over time, we can become curious about whether they still serve us in the way they used to, or whether there might be other ways to stay protected that also leave room for closeness, both with others and within ourselves.

Discovery tends to take time. Much of the work is learning to sit with uncertainty, without rushing to resolve every question as it arises. That unhurried space is what lets perspective build, and curiosity with it, and what makes it bearable not to know everything all at once. It is in returning, again and again, that the patterns begin to show themselves, and we come to sense ourselves more clearly.

What a fuller life tends to include

Love · Work · Play

As adults, we often prioritise the need to maintain work and to keep functioning. The needs to love and to play tend to get quietly set aside. In therapy, we begin to make room for all three again: to work, to love, to play.

This work tends to suit people who are

Curious about the patterns that keep returning, even when the situations change
Less interested in quick relief than in understanding the longer story
Open to the relationship itself being part of the work
Open to a regular rhythm in the earlier phase, so the work has room to develop
Sitting with questions about closeness, self-worth, or what would make a life feel full
Comfortable with the pace of conversation rather than structured exercises

The rhythm of the work

We usually begin weekly or fortnightly. This frequency gives the relationship space to develop and gives material time to settle between sessions. Meeting less often tends to focus the work on the immediate crisis or problem, rather than the patterns underneath it.

There is no fixed number of sessions. The work often settles into a medium to long-term relationship, one that spans well beyond twenty sessions, and for some becomes a lifelong one: less a course of therapy with an endpoint than a steady place to return to as life keeps moving.

Themes

What people often bring.

These are common starting points: themes that surface, not categories that contain. What is named at the beginning rarely stays the whole story. One concern usually opens onto another, and the work follows where it leads. This practice is for adults from age 21 onward, most often working professionals.

The heaviness we carry, the sadness and lethargy that settle in. Sometimes a melancholy so long-standing it has been normalised, overlooked, mistaken for just how things are.

The tension we hold, the worry and fear that hum underneath. A discomfort with uncertainty that keeps the body on watch, until the constant vigilance quietly wears it down.

The appeasing that loses the self, the distance kept so as not to be hurt, and the loneliness that can follow either. The confusing pull between closeness and retreat, with partners, family, friends, and ourselves.

The losses we name, and the ones we do not: of people, of possibilities, of earlier versions of ourselves. Grief that does not always follow a tidy arc.

What allows us to feel good enough? When worth is built on accomplishment, it tends to need constant proving. We look at what else might hold it.

The new chapters that ask something of us: a change in work, in relationships, in identity, or any of the turns a life eventually meets. Moments when the old shape no longer fits and the next is not yet clear.

What deepens over time

The quiet shifts of a longer work.

These are the quiet shifts that tend to deepen as the work goes on, in their own order and at their own pace.

Exploring, not fixing

A relationship with yourself led by curiosity rather than the urge to fix. Slowly, the capacity to meet yourself more openly, with less need to look away.

Tolerating uncertainty

A steadier relationship with not-knowing, and a willingness to sit with what is still open, rather than rushing to resolve it before its time.

Uncovering defences

A gentler understanding of your defences, and the ways they once kept you safe. Over time, a sense of when they still serve you and when they no longer fit.

Attachment patterns

A clearer sense of how you seek closeness, and how you manage distance. And a growing ability to notice the patterns you fall into, and the relationships that might offer something different.

Mentalization

The capacity to hold more than one perspective, your own and others'. A growing ability to see behind behaviour to the feelings and intentions underneath.

Allowing grief

Room to grieve not only what was lost, but what was longed for and never came. And a sense of the people, places, and small acts that can hold us while we are in pain.

Services

Fees, location, and what to expect.

Fees

Standard session (60 minutes) Weekdays, 10am–6pm

SGD 200

After-hours session (60 minutes) Weekday evenings 6–9pm · Saturdays 9am–1pm
Later Saturdays and Sundays on request

SGD 220

Extended session (90 minutes) Available when clinically indicated

SGD 300

Limited concessionary slots (currently four) are available at SGD 150 for those going through a period of financial hardship. Please do reach out if this would help.

To keep the quality of care high, I see no more than four sessions a day, twenty in a week. If you have particular timing preferences, do let me know early so we can arrange accordingly.

Location & format

Sessions are held in person at one of two locations:

·Essence Rooms, Chinatown. A quiet shophouse room near Chinatown MRT, on the third floor with no lift access. Open daily, 9am to 9pm.
·AO Psychology, The Adelphi. An office building located at City Hall MRT. Open 10am to 7pm on weekdays, 10am to 1pm on Saturdays.

Both are private, professional clinic settings. Which venue we use depends on availability and your preference.

Zoom is available where in-person is not possible, though the work tends to settle more easily when we share a room.

Cancellation policy

Your session time is held for you alone, and a late cancellation usually cannot be offered to someone else in time.

More than 24 hours notice

No charge

Within 24 hours

50%

Within 2 hours, or no-show

100%

In cases such as a medical emergency or genuine crisis, exceptions may be made at my discretion.

Questions

A few things people often ask.

The reflective, relational work I offer tends to serve individual adults best, from age 21 onward, and I work with people across cultures, faiths, genders, and orientations. Some things sit outside this work: I don't see children or adolescents, couples, or families, and where neurodivergence or disability is the central concern, a specialist is usually the better fit. With more acute or complex experiences, such as psychosis, disordered eating, or a difficult relationship with substances. In those cases I'm glad to work relationally alongside whatever else is needed; and where more specialised or intensive care would help to steady things first, I'll gladly make that referral, so the two can run together. Should our work simply not feel like the right fit, I'll share resources or referrals that may serve you better.

The first session is mostly about fit: a chance to feel whether you are comfortable with me as your therapist, and whether this way of working feels right for you. It is also time to begin talking about what has been weighing. It matters less that we get through anything in particular than that the relationship feels like one you could settle into. If we decide to continue, the second session usually goes a little deeper into history: how you grew up, the shape of things over time. We don't have to cover all of it at once; it can unfold across sessions, at whatever pace feels comfortable.

Yes. What you bring is private, and held in confidence. There are a few limits, common to all therapy: if there is a serious risk of harm to you or to someone else, or where the law requires disclosure, I may need to act to keep people safe. Your records are kept securely and handled in line with Singapore's Personal Data Protection Act. If you ever want to know how your information is stored or used, you are welcome to ask.

No. As a counsellor and psychotherapist, I do not prescribe. Where medication might help, I can refer you to a trusted psychiatrist. For some people, medication eases the intensity of certain symptoms enough that the deeper work becomes more possible to sit with; the two can work alongside each other rather than in competition.

That is always allowed. A regular rhythm, especially early on, helps the work find its footing, but life happens, and the work can flex around it. If you need to pause, slow down, or stop, we can talk about it openly; nothing here requires you to keep going before you are ready.

Possibly, depending on your plan. I am a SAC-registered Counsellor and Clinical Member of the Singapore Association for Counselling, so where an insurance policy or employee benefit covers counselling or mental health support from a registered practitioner, this work may be claimable. Coverage varies, so it is worth checking the specifics of your policy; I am happy to provide what you need for a claim.

Contact

Beginning a conversation.

If you are considering working together, the next step is simply a short written note. I'll reply within three working days, and we can find a time to meet.

A first meeting is a chance to understand what brings you here, and for you to sense whether the relationship feels safe enough for the work to continue. There is no expectation to carry on beyond it; the space is yours to decide.

Currently accepting new clients.

If you are in crisis

This practice is not set up for emergency support. If you are in immediate distress or considering harm to yourself, please reach out to one of the following:

Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1-767 · 24 hours

IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222 · 24 hours

Your name

A few words about what brings you here

Whatever feels comfortable to share. If it is useful, you are welcome to mention an area of concern, your preferred frequency, days or times, or anything else that matters. None of it is needed now.

This opens your email with the message pre-filled. You can edit anything before sending. If the button does not work, please write directly to hello@thequiethold.com.

A space to meet, and to be met.